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Vince McMahon chosen as next James Bond

(originally published October 2, 2007)

(London) - He's been an announcer; a wrestler; a villain; a wrestling promoter; the head of a failed football league; the head of a failed bodybuilding league... hell, we wouldn't be surprised if he was once the head of a failed ultimate frisbee league.

 

And next year, World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon will be able to add "Her Majesty's Secret Service" to his resume.

 

McMahon has agreed to don the tuxedo for the next James Bond film, scheduled to begin production in early 2008 (working title: "GoldenAss"). Apparently, producers were intrigued by the 62 year-old's ability to recently escape unscathed from an exploding limousine.

 

"Quite frankly, I am the very embodiment of James Bond," McMahon said in an exclusive interview with Breaking News, because he's so fond of talking directly to internet wrestling sites. "I'm crafty, I don't back down in the face of danger, and I am a genetic jackhammer when it comes to the ladies."

 

Much like the previous 21 Bond flicks, McMahon will gather intelligence using the latest in technical gadgetry, master complex vehicles, and woo beautiful women. However, in a new development for the franchise, he'll also convince villains to kiss his bare ass.

 

"I have to admit, I was a little puzzled by that last part," director Marc Forster said. "Why wouldn't the villain just, you know, kill Bond when he turns his back?"

 

The producer was also baffled by McMahon's suggestions for rival characters to clash with Bond in the film. The list included Carl Congress, a federal government official hell-bent on ruining the lives of innocent billionaires; Hillbilly Ted, a wealthy wrestling promoter; and "that damn DX".

 

Daniel Craig, who was contracted to be Bond for at least two more films, will instead now move to WWE and begin feuding with Bobby Lashley.

 

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