Jim Ross: Hello, everyone - Good Ol' JR here for Week Five of The Retro Rumble! As you know, this match pits 50 WWF Hasbro and WWE Retro superstars against each other to determine which is the best in the world.
Joey Styles: Thanks for mentioning that I'm here, Jim!!! When we last left off, all three members of Demolition had entered the ring and were poised to square off against the unlikely trio of Mankind, Doink The Clown and Virgil.
Jim Ross: I wouldn't have put smart money on Virgil lasting quite this long, Joey.
Joey Styles: Look at this! Demolition are just wiping the mat with their three opponents!
Jim Ross: Ax, Smash and Crush are indeed combining forces better than their opponents here in this Retro Rumble match.
Joey Styles: Just like that, Doink The Clown has been demolished, and it's been one giant leap for Mankind... right out of this match!
Jim Ross: Things aren't looking great for our friend Virgil...
Jim Ross: Business is about to pick up with our next entry... The Phenomenal AJ Styles!
Joey Styles: Styles -- no relation to yours truly -- comes to the ring a house of fire and lands his Phenomenal Forearm on Demolition Crush.
Jim Ross: AJ has changed the conversation here in a hurry.
Jim Ross: AJ has his back turned to Demolition Smash, and now he's getting beaten like a government mule.
Joey Styles: I don't understand that reference...
Jim Ross: Meanwhile, Demolition Ax is fighting the good fight and attempting to eliminate Virgil from this match.
Joey Styles: Virgil needs to exit this match ASAP. I hear there's a convention happening in Pensacola right now and they have an abandoned autograph table with his name on it!
Jim Ross: Bah gawd, here comes Mr. Perfect!
Joey Styles: He is about to make this Retro Rumble -- wait for it -- absolutely perfect!
Jim Ross: Styles and Perfect begin squaring off. This particular matchup has all the makings of a five-star classic, from where this old Okie sits.
Jim Ross: Macho Man Randy Savage is our next entrant here.
Joey Styles: Ooooh yeah! Macho Madness is about to reign all over this....
Jim Ross: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!
Joey Styles: OH MY GOD!
Jim Ross: Randy Savage has been attacked by... Randy Savage?
Joey Styles: It's the green trunks version that was originally shown in a catalog, JR! He must be out for revenge!
Jim Ross: Will you look at this! We have four different versions of The Macho Man!
Jim Ross: Back in the squared circle... the three members of Demolition are duking it out with poor Virgil.
Joey Styles: Meanwhile, Mr. Perfect tells AJ Styles that "Now you're gonna see a PerfectPlex!"
Jim Ross: BOOMER SOONER! Here comes our next entrant... it's Diesel!
Joey Styles: AJ Styles and Mr. Perfect have temporarily put aside their differences in an attempt to take out Big Daddy Cool!
Jim Ross: That's just smart strategy, right there. Try to eliminate the biggest hoss in the group.
Joey Styles: THAT BACKFIRED ON AJ AND MR. PERFECT!
Jim Ross: Diesel has clotheslined The Phenomenal One over the top rope, and sent The Perfect One to the ground below! Big Daddy Cool has eliminated two more competitors here with relative ease!
Jim Ross: This whole damn thing is out of control! You have orange trunk Savage fighting green trunk Savage, and Macho King putting the hurt to nWo Macho Man!
Joey Styles: Our non-existent officials are escorting all four Randy Savages back to the locker room area.
Jim Ross: Macho Man.... or Macho Men.... have been disqualified from The Retro Rumble. Let's go back to the ring to see what's going on there...
Jim Ross: Everyone here is just in awe of the nearly seven-foot Diesel.
Joey Styles: They call it The Diesel Push for a reason, JR!
Jim Ross: BAH GAWD! Diesel has made quick work of Demolition, as Ax, Smash and Crush have been deposited over the top rope, ending their run at The Retro Rumble.
Joey Styles: But wait! That means....
Jim Ross: The only one left in the ring with Diesel is the former bodyguard Virgil!
Joey Styles: Big Sexy can't wait to get his hands on The Mayor Of Meat Sauce!
Jim Ross: This has all the makings of a slobberknocker, folks! And if you like what you've read so far... share it on Twitter with the hashtag #RetroRumble for your chance to win a FREE Hasbro figure at the conclusion of The Retro Rumble. See you next week!