Mauro Ranallo: Welcome, everyone to the Week Three of The Retro Rumble! As you may recall, this match pits 50 WWF Hasbro and WWE Retro superstars against each other to determine which is the best in the world.
Jesse The Body Ventura: Well, they can't be looking for the best if they don't have The Body in there!
Mauro Ranallo: Nonetheless... we closed out Week Two with Chris Jericho cutting a promo on the rest of the superstars in the ring, telling them that all of them had just made his list!
Mauro Ranallo: Mamma mia! It appears as though Junkyard Dog, Daniel Bryan, The Mountie and Virgil have put their differences aside temporarily to eliminate Chris Jericho!
Jesse The Body Ventura: What? That's cheating, pure and simple.
Mauro Ranallo: All's fair in love and war and The Retro Rumble, Jesse!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Sure, because it's one of your guys doing it....
Mauro Ranallo: Time for our next entrant in the match. It's... Tatanka!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Yeah, I doubt Tatanka will go very far in this kind of match. He lacks the killer instinct!
Mauro Ranallo: Don't count the Native American out! Right away, he's going after The Mountie!
Mauro Ranallo: OUCH! Tatanka is making hamburger meat out of The Mountie's chest with those chops!
Jesse The Body Ventura: How disrespectful for a Tatanka to treat an officer of the law like that.
Mauro Ranallo: The Mountie's as much an officer of the law as Ryan Reynolds is Deapool. Meanwhile, Daniel Bryan has been tossed out and eliminated by the unlikely duo of Virgil and JYD!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Ha ha! So long, hippie!
Mauro Ranallo: Here comes Bret "Hitman" Hart to change the conversation!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Hopefully he doesn't whine about being screwed in The Retro Rumble, too...
Mauro Ranallo: Hart with a big slam to Tatanka. Meanwhile, The Junkyard Dog is OUT OF HERE!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Enough with your pop culture references!
Mauro Ranallo: It looks like Bret Hit Man Hart and The Mountie have "popped" the "culture" of Tatanka, eliminating him from this match!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Hit Man and Mountie teaming up... I think we've heard enough from the Canadians in this match.
Mauro Ranallo: Hey! I'm Canadian!
Mauro Ranallo: The bizarre one, Goldust, is out next!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Finally, we're getting some Hollywood glitz and glamour in this joint!
Mauro Ranallo: Goldust is working over Virgil in the corner, trying to get rid of him faster than the Royal Family did to Prince Harry.
Mauro Ranallo: Almost immediately, Giant Gonzales is cleaning house!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Goodbye, Goldust! Later, Mountie! Catch you on the flip side, Hitman! This is incredible!
Mauro Ranallo: In a period of approximately two minutes, Giant Gonzales has eliminated THREE MEN! He's left in the ring only with Virgil. And unless the former bodyguard has some "you know what" money to pay the big man off... I just don't like his chances.
Mauro Ranallo: Out next is the nearly 8 foot tall Giant Gonzales!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Oh wow! I don't like the chances of these other guys in the ring...
Mauro Ranallo: Mamma Mia! The giant is towering over these guys like he's a Mack Truck facing off against a bunch of Hot Wheels.
Mauro Ranallo: Austin is staring down Giant Gonzales in the middle of the ring, fixing to open up a plus-sized can of Whoop Ass!
Jesse The Body Ventura: I don't know whether Stone Cold is being brave, or just stupid. Gonzales ain't someone you really want to go toe to toe with.
Mauro Ranallo: Can Stone Cold Steve Austin overcome the nearly 8 foot tall Giant Gonzales? And if he can't do it, is there anyone else in this 50-figure match that can get the job done? And how on earth has Virgil lasted so long in this match? If you like what you've read so far... share it on Twitter with the hashtag #RetroRumble for your chance to win a FREE Hasbro figure at the conclusion of The Retro Rumble. See you next week!
Mauro Ranallo: Virgil trapped in the corner. But wait! Here comes the next entry. Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!
Jesse The Body Ventura: Virgil should thank his lucky stars that Stone Cold got here just in the nick of time.
Mauro Ranallo: Austin 3:16 says he's winning The Retro Rumble. And that's the bottom line!