Michael Cole: Welcome, everyone to the Week Two of The Retro Rumble! As you may recall, this match pits 50 WWF Hasbro and WWE Retro superstars against each other to determine which is the best in the world.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: The best in the world? Not unless a member of my Family is in the match!
Michael Cole: We'll see who enters this week! As we left off last week, Braun Strowman, Earthquake and Kane were sizing each other up.....
Bobby The Brain Heenan: But look! These guys just realized that Virgil is still in the match, too!
Michael Cole: I don't like the chances of Virgil; not when he's against these three massive superstars.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: That dummy Virgil probably wishes he was at an Olive Garden right about now. Pretty soon, he'll have to be sucking back meat sauce through a straw!
Michael Cole: Things aren't looking good for Virgil at all.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Maybe the humanoids will actually pay money to get their picture with "Flat As A Pancake Virgil"?
Michael Cole: Wait a minute! We have our next entry in The Retro Rumble - here comes Daniel Bryan!
Michael Cole: Right away, Daniel Bryan attacks Earthquake, preventing Virgil from being eliminated.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: What a stupid idea! Bryan could have just stood out of the way and let them take care of business, but all that hippie has done is he's just angered these guys.
Michael Cole: No one else has the fighting spirit of a Daniel Bryan. It appears as though as he and Virgil are forming an alliance.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Dumb and Dumber!
Michael Cole: Somehow, some way - Virgil and Daniel Bryan have teamed up and eliminated the 500+ pound Earthquake!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: That's not fair! It's two against one!
Michael Cole: Time for next entry. It's... The Mountie!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Illegal is a sick bird, Monsoon! You have to do whatever it takes to get a win.
Michael Cole: Nonetheless.... now The Mountie, Virgil and Daniel Bryan are trying their hardest to collectively eliminate Braun Strowman and... wait. Monsoon?
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Look at this! Strowman has pushed all three guys off of him. This Braun guy is impressive. I bet I could make a ton of money off of him.
Michael Cole: Sure, taking your usual 70 percent cut....
Michael Cole: What the hell? The Mountie just used his cattle prod on Kane and has eliminated The Big Red Machine!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Haha! I LOVE it! The Mountie always gets his man.
Michael Cole: But that's illegal!
Michael Cole: Sid Justice and Braun Strowman have locked horns, neither man giving an inch! Oh my goodness, Brain - they've managed to eliminate each other from the match, falling over the top rope to the floor below!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: I knew that was going to happen!
Michael Cole: Sure you did. And now, with both giants out of this match, it's anyone's guess who will win The Retro Rumble. Here comes our next entrant....
Michael Cole: Look at that. Sid Justice is out next!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Of course he is! Softball season is still months away.
Michael Cole: Oh, wow! Big Sid is going directly for Braun Strowman. This is a battle of the titans between the two of the most powerful men in WWE history.
Chris Jericho (takes microphone): You may be wondering what Chris Jericho is doing here at The Retro Rumble... I'm here to tell Daniel Bryan and all these other stupid idiots that I am The Best In The World At What I Do...
Michael Cole: Why is he wasting time talking?
Chris Jericho: And you know what happens when you try to take away my spotlight? Do you? Huh? Well guess what... YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Chris Jericho may just win this whole event! And if you like what you've read so far... share it on Twitter with the hashtag #RetroRumble for your chance to win a FREE Hasbro figure at the conclusion of The Retro Rumble. See you next week!
Michael Cole: Here comes The Junkyard Dog! Do you want to get down with The Dog, Brain?
Bobby The Brain Heenan: I'd rather put The Dog to sleep.
Michael Cole: Real nice. JYD goes after Daniel Bryan, slamming him to the mat. Meanwhile, The Mountie and Virgil are battling it out.
Michael Cole: We're getting ready for our next entry in The Retro Rumble, and instead of the usual countout, it appears to be a Millennium countdown. Could that mean....?
Bobby The Brain Heenan: YES! Chris Jericho is here! Look at all that pyro and fanfare! It could only mean that Le Champion is here!
Michael Cole: Chris Jericho, breaking the promotional walls down, so to speak, by entering The Retro Rumble, and it appears he's asking for the microphone now.
Bobby The Brain Heenan: Drink it in, mannnn!